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This Just In: Players Reject NBA Offer + My Suggested List Of Temporary Jobs

Just moments ago, the NBA Players rejected the league’s latest offer and has started to disband the union, according to The Associated Press. Earlier today, Kobe Bryant and Carmelo Anthony joined player representatives to meet with the league and vote on the latest deal presented to them.


The latest deal called for a 50-50 split of division basketball income and profits.  However, it sounded like commissioner David Stern was hanging on to one good nerve with these negotiations:

“I want to answer this diplomatically. The next time we meet to discuss anything, we’ll be discussing the 47 percent proposal,” he told The Associated Press on Saturday. “This is it. We’ve been negotiating this for 2 1/2 years. The owners authorized a revised proposal, and they said if it’s not acceptable and they want to keep negotiating, we present them with a 47 percent, flex cap proposal. They know it.”

WELP! Seems like Kobe and nem aren’t having it at all. Looks like we may not get an NBA Season this year, folks! Oh. And as a Dallas Mavericks fan, I’m required to remind you that this means the Mavs will remain your NBA Champions. *Shawty Lo jog-in-place* With players currently doing things from get big ass tattoos to moving in with their parents, what should the players do if no deal is reached?  I have some suggestions…

  • Endorse something. Probably the easiest and fastest way to get a check. Yesterday, while noticing the current trend of taking an old product and calling it something new (IE, Snuggie = backwards robe), I’ve decided to take socks and market them as Foot Condoms. Y’all call me and let’s work this thing out!
  • Moving service. Firefighters and struggling college students do it all the time! Whether it be for foreclosures or upgrades, we can all use some strong hands in our lives.  Hell, Ray J and The Money Team got all sorts of cars/furniture/aquariums/golden jeweled bidets on the inside AND outside of their compound. I know they can use a hand cart and a UHaul van.
  • Relationship expert. Thanks to the likes of Tyrese and Steve Harvey, anyone can go set up shop at any local Starbucks, get on that free WiFi and let all the women of the world know what we need to do in order to get the man of our dreams. I mean, there’s 234 million of us and only 8 good men left in the world according to the news so we can use all the help we can get!
  • Reality TV Show. Because there’s NEVER enough of these! I can see it now: The Twitter Verified Posse Of San Jose: Being escorted from the paint on a TV near you!

In all honesty, I hope they get it together soon. They need jobs. We need entertainment once football’s gone. And NBA Groupies everywhere need a sense of hope. And a job application to McDonald’s.

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