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RelationshipsSharron Todd

Again, If He Walks Like A Duck, Quacks Like A Duck: Then He’s a Cheater.

Walks Like a Duck, Quacks Like a Duck:  He’s a Cheater


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I dated this man after about 8 years of knowing him. We went to college together, were only ever friends and had a lot in common. It seemed like basic mathematics that we’d be a good match. While I was basking in the idea that he was a good communicator, I absolutely overlook him COMMUNICATING to me that he had a slew of women in college and after college (or that he joked that he’d make a good pimp). I felt special (and maybe even set apart from other women) because he shared information that I thought he’d only share with the boys.

On my birthday, he went missing, and after several calls I got nothing. The excuse I got the next day was that he left his phone at home and couldn’t call.  But, when I later found home-made sex videos that he had made with other several other women, I can’t say that I was completely shocked. My mouth dropped to the floor (along with my heart)… but shocked, not completely. Only then did I start to replay the things that he said to me and his actions on a day to day basis, etc.  Then I remembered someone telling me before, “Listen to a man when he’s trying to tell you who he is.”

Last week’s article “Why Men Cheat” brought in a lot of heated discussions, not only from the ladies, but from men themselves.  With all the colorful responses we had about why men cheat, some women were left with several underlying questions: How do you spot a cheater? How do I know if my man is cheating?

Spotting a cheater is tricky. That’s like asking “How do you spot a liar?” You can’t. They’ve gotta lie first.  And you’ve gotta catch them. But we do have God-given intuition (even when we sometimes mistake it for paranoia).  I agree that some of our imaginations can get the best of us.  But I would be careful not to underestimate the sharpness of your intuition.

If your gut feeling is telling  you that he is up to no good, he’s most likely up to no good (this is taking under consideration you’re someone of a rational mind).  And even for you insecure ladies out there that have been hurt in the past, instead of convincing yourself that you’re being crazy, ask yourself some real questions.  Does he return your call most of the time (or does he take half the day or even days to call you back)?  Does he follow through with what he promises?  Does he come home when he’s supposed to (and I’m not talking a curfew)? Does he say he’s not ready to settle down or can’t see himself getting married for years?

A good male friend of mine told me two things that I’ve taken with me in every relationship: First, when a man really likes a woman, one woman, there’s NO guesswork.  None, he said. You don’t have to worry about being pursued, because he’ll show his affection in one way or another.  Second, the primary thing that distracts a man from a woman…IS another woman.  Now, you can take these two ideas and come up with a million exceptions like jobs, money, sports or friends.  But hopefully, most of you are well-equipped enough to know how these “distractions” are categorized.  If you feel like you’re being treated like an afterthought, then you probably are.

Next week, we’ll be discussing the final part of the four-part series on cheating:  How to Leave a Cheater. And soon, we’ll be discussing why women cheat (yes, us too!).  For now, do you think you can spot a cheater?

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