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Cleveland Cavaliers Owner Put A “Color Puple Curse” On King James

I know you have seen the letter that Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert released regarding LeBron James choice to leave Cleveland, OH to play for the Miami Heat. I understand Dan Gilbert’s anger. Did LeBron James really need a press conference to break up with his girlfriend team, without even telling her them first? However, Dan Gilbert is really acting up. You can read the whole letter on the next page, but I just had to point out my favorite part.

So in this scene Danny Gilbert is playing the role of Celie in The Color Purple, and LeBron James is Mister, and they just finished eating Easter dinner. Danny Gilbert (Celie)has two fingers up and:

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Anyway, check out the rest of the letter. I guess we know how Danny Gilbert feels about King James and his ego.

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero Lebron James, who grew up in this very region, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

While we regret his decision to leave, we nonetheless understand that we have consistently failed to attract the top-tier talent James has requested to aid his pursuit of championships: instead of Jason Kidd, we brought in Mo Williams; instead of Amar’e Stoudemire, we brought in Antawn Jamison. And while Lebron signed off on these moves, we now realize: what else could we expect him to do? After all, these players were improvements over the cast of nobodies from 2007 that James single-handedly carried into the finals, thereby developing the false sense of bravado and entitlement in our management, coaching staff, team, and fans that resulted in our failure the following three postseasons.

We are obviously deeply disappointed with the way Lebron decided to leave. After all, no matter one’s field of business, isn’t it proper etiquette to inform your company of your resignation so that they might fill the position you leave behind? Surely, if Lebron was as loyal to our community as he declares, he might have provided us with this small show of respect. Although we should have been taking steps to procure top free agents from the get-go instead of waiting on Lebron, and while such moves might have actually convinced the “King” to stay rather than banking upon sentimental videos, fart jokes, Betty White innuendos, and our false sense of entitlement, we nonetheless feel we were handcuffed from improving our team and are a bit bitter about the whole thing.

Why Lebron chose to present his decision to the mass media in this day of branding, technology, and celebrity we will never know. After all, we cannot understand why Lebron would not want to present his news in Cleveland when our fans reacted in such a calm and understanding manner. I am sure that the resulting fires, arrests, drunken expletives, and threats on Lebron’s life were only the result of his presenting his decision nationally rather than locally. Had Lebron made the announcement in Cleveland, I’m sure cooler heads would have prevailed. Instead of the anger we demonstrated, we would have appreciatively realized that Lebron has given us seven great years, taken us to heights we’ve never reached before, and that his leaving was likely the result of our inability to formulate any kind of concrete plan for winning him the titles he so eagerly desires rather than any sort of spite for the city of Cleveland.

However, what truly disappoints us, as it should all basketball fans, is not Lebron’s decision to leave, but rather that three NBA superstars conspired to create a regular season all-star team down in the city of Miami. What saddens us is that in this current era, instead of having the great sport rivalries of a Bird and Johnson, or a Johnson and Jordan, we have the Birds, Johnsons, and Jordans deciding to join forces in order to all out guarantee themselves multiple championship rings. Had we all known Lebron, Chris, and Dwayne simply wanted a championship to be handed to them, perhaps we could have partitioned David Stern to have a handful of rings molded for them. Then it might have only cost each man a few hundred dollars a ring rather than the 30 million each had to give up to create the “triumvirate.” Furthermore, it would have saved Miami the trouble of doling out three near-max contracts, and it would have saved gullible Miami fans the trouble of spending their hard earned cash selling out American Airlines Arena for what will essentially be glorified Harlem Globetrotter games. I hate to break it to you Miamians, but no matter how much the Boston Shamrocks, New Jersey Reds, or Atlantic City Seagulls lead by at halftime, the Globetrotters always win in the end. Sounds suspenseful doesn’t it?

The ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff here at the Cleveland Cavaliers realize that the mediocre talent we have surrounded Lebron with does not have what it takes to compete without him. And while I won’t talk rashly from my emotions and ridiculously guarantee something impossible, like bringing a championship back to the city of Cleveland before Miami wins one, I will say that we will begin the mad scramble to trade large contracts, gather future draft picks, and hopefully put together some kind of a roster that just might eek out an eighth seed for the playoffs behind teams like New York and Chicago, who even though they were vying for Lebron like Cleveland was, at least made some moves to acquire more talent in free agency. And if we can achieve the eighth seed we will no doubt find Miami waiting to sweep us on their way to a championship, and in doing so demonstrate just how ridiculous the ideas of sportsmanship and competition have become in the NBA, as well as the uselessness of an 80+ game season when the winners were all but chosen with one decision by Lebron James tonight.

Yet we will not take the low road and defame the man who has brought this city so much joy over the last decade. The wound is fresh and still stings badly for the moment, but eventually our staff, team, and fans will look back in fondness at all Lebron gave to this city. We would like to wish Lebron the best of luck, not that he will ever need it on his newly stacked team, down in Miami.

Sleep well, Cleveland. The long sleep that is.

Dan Gilbert

Majority Owner

Cleveland Cavaliers

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