Part 4 of 4: How to Leave a Cheater
Do I think people are perfect? Absolutely not. Do I think that people can slip up and make mistakes? Absolutely. But I’ve never, and never will categorize cheating as a mistake. It takes a concerted effort and a conscious choice to take another woman home, undress her and then yourself, lie down, get physical, lie and keep secrets. For all the biological reasons, the philosophical excuses and the social justifications that have been force fed to generations of jaded women—cheating on someone comes down to a choice.
Leaving someone you love is difficult. No one expects that you’re a robot programmed to leave as soon as your partner cheats. But hopefully there is enough love of yourself to give you the energy to get up and go when someone shows they can’t be trusted in your relationship.
First, start with your toothbrush. Yep, your toothbrush.
Put it in an overnight bag. Then your facewash. Next, one article of clothing. Keep adding things until you’ve got everything packed—then find the door. Worry about getting your heart back later.
More often than not, a woman debates leaving her man after he cheats. She tells her friends they don’t understand. He’s different, he’ll change. He’s not the same as every other man that’s cheated on his partner. Ladies, ladies. The chances that your man happens to be the one exception, that he’ll turn a new leaf, never cheat again, had extenuating circumstances—well, it’s about slim to none. And trust that it leans closer to NONE.
Most of us have experienced the almost physical pain in our chest when someone has cheated on us. And the idea of leaving them seems almost more painful than the actual cheating. Where each situation can vary, there are many women who have experienced the same feeling and it can only go one of two ways: leave or stay.
If fidelity is not a deal breaker for you in a relationship or something you take seriously, then nothing I say will be of any significance to you. But for those of you who expect your partners to remain faithful, you have to be ready to stand by your principles and pack your bags if they’re not.
“What’s most important is that I knew that I’d love again and be loved”
It’s been pretty black and white for me. If I can’t trust the person I’m with, then we’d never make it. And I pride myself on not being much of a nagger, but the nagging would naturally come if I stayed with a person that I don’t trust. I would nag about where he was, his phone, friends that are women and I’d probably even resent that he was still around. So instead of putting myself and even him through it—I leave.
What’s most important is that I knew that I’d love again and be loved again. There are a lot of women that are bankrupt when it comes to faith in love. They fear that they’ll never meet someone or that they’ll be lonely. But loneliness is one of the primary pains you feel when a person is unfaithful to you. Isn’t it worse to be lonely with another person around than it is to actually be alone?