Walks Like a Duck, Quacks Like a Duck: He’s a Cheater
I dated this man after about 8 years of knowing him. We went to college together, were only ever friends and had a lot in common. It seemed like basic mathematics that we’d be a good match. While I was basking in the idea that he was a good communicator, I absolutely overlook him COMMUNICATING to me that he had a slew of women in college and after college (or that he joked that he’d make a good pimp). I felt special (and maybe even set apart from other women) because he shared information that I thought he’d only share with the boys.
On my birthday, he went missing, and after several calls I got nothing. The excuse I got the next day was that he left his phone at home and couldn’t call. But, when I later found home-made sex videos that he had made with other several other women, I can’t say that I was completely shocked. My mouth dropped to the floor (along with my heart)… but shocked, not completely. Only then did I start to replay the things that he said to me and his actions on a day to day basis, etc. Then I remembered someone telling me before, “Listen to a man when he’s trying to tell you who he is.”
Last week’s article “Why Men Cheat” brought in a lot of heated discussions, not only from the ladies, but from men themselves. With all the colorful responses we had about why men cheat, some women were left with several underlying questions: How do you spot a cheater? How do I know if my man is cheating?
Spotting a cheater is tricky. That’s like asking “How do you spot a liar?” You can’t. They’ve gotta lie first. And you’ve gotta catch them. But we do have God-given intuition (even when we sometimes mistake it for paranoia). I agree that some of our imaginations can get the best of us. But I would be careful not to underestimate the sharpness of your intuition.
If your gut feeling is telling you that he is up to no good, he’s most likely up to no good (this is taking under consideration you’re someone of a rational mind). And even for you insecure ladies out there that have been hurt in the past, instead of convincing yourself that you’re being crazy, ask yourself some real questions. Does he return your call most of the time (or does he take half the day or even days to call you back)? Does he follow through with what he promises? Does he come home when he’s supposed to (and I’m not talking a curfew)? Does he say he’s not ready to settle down or can’t see himself getting married for years?
A good male friend of mine told me two things that I’ve taken with me in every relationship: First, when a man really likes a woman, one woman, there’s NO guesswork. None, he said. You don’t have to worry about being pursued, because he’ll show his affection in one way or another. Second, the primary thing that distracts a man from a woman…IS another woman. Now, you can take these two ideas and come up with a million exceptions like jobs, money, sports or friends. But hopefully, most of you are well-equipped enough to know how these “distractions” are categorized. If you feel like you’re being treated like an afterthought, then you probably are.
Next week, we’ll be discussing the final part of the four-part series on cheating: How to Leave a Cheater. And soon, we’ll be discussing why women cheat (yes, us too!). For now, do you think you can spot a cheater?
Similar Posts:
- Pack Your Bags, It’s Time To Leave Him
- Why Men Cheat: Straight From The Mouths Of Men by Sharron Todd
- Discussion: Asian Men Don’t Like Black Women Because Black Women Are Not Good Women
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Interesting topic I can spot a cheater because I listen to my intuition and I also watch how he interacts with me and anyone else…and again a cheater is someone who has a void within and using something else to fill it as opposed to dealing with the void in of itself.
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Hey Choco,
Cheating has really become a profession of many things but let’s start with lying which is so selfish if you have issues you know that you have issues. Cheating is not something that has to happen but it something that you want to happen. Some many of us are immature and many have no interest of developing maturity and that is so sad. We have become a nation that does not even know how to relate to each other so we relate to anyone or anything that is easy and that requires no good work ethic no matter what it might be. Cheating is for the weak minded and for the weakness of the flesh. Will we always let ideas and images have more control over us then our own wants and needs? Everything is so media driven and it was created to attach more to your desires and unhealthy habits then any of your healthy abilities. It is hard to know a man or a young man when he does no know himself and will sway in any direction.
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@resurrected, Amen to a lot of the things that you’ve said. Especially with “we relate to anyone or anything that is easy.” When did everyone get so doggone lazy? And I don’t mean lying around the house. There was a time that most people believed that when something was too easy…it wasn’t worth keeping. But I think we’ve conditioned a generation of zombies to pursue any option that they have…especially when they don’t have to struggle to obtain it. So, I think that’s what’s going on with both men and women. If our partner gets too difficult, we start assessing our options instead of fixing the problem.
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I agree with a previous comment. They’re not always easy to see, but they always reveal their true colors, especially when you see how they interact with others. Especially if you meet them somewhere as opposed to arriving together. My gut instinct is typically on point, thank God lol
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@carrien, yeah I’m a big fan of my gut intuition as well.
Hasn’t stirred me wrong yet!