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All Men Cheat! Get Over It…by Sharron Todd

PART I:  All Men Cheat. Expect and Accept It

STD MGV All Men Cheat! Get Over It...by Sharron Todd

A friend of mine that I used to date off-and-on for several years, asked me to marry him. Well, kind of. He’s been in the music industry for about 20 years now and he has seen and probably done it all.  So he says to me, “There’s a reason you and I have known each other for 10 years. We can be married by next year if you can grow up and just accept that from time to time I’ll have a little bit of fun on the side. But just remember, I’ll be coming home to you.”  Not his exact words, but almost verbatim.  So, I’m thinking, really?  Aww, I feel really special! Can I really be your wife? Do you promise?  Come on.

Actually, after laughing what people close to me call my “machine gun” laugh (the kind of laughter where your entire body shakes and you could possibly be having an epileptic seizure), I said, “maybe in another life, when honesty and loyalty mean absolutely nothing to me.”

It’s great that we can both laugh about it. Because he has been so up front over the years, we’ve been able to remain friends.  Do you know why? He gave me a choice.  He told me what it is, and I opted out. My problem is when men want to keep their partners, lie, cheat and then sometimes turn it on women and our “obvious lack of understanding” about how they operate.

Should you expect your man to cheat? Maybe.

I’ve had this conversation countless times with so many friends and associates, especially men.  It gets to the point where I feel exasperated.  Sometimes I even feel like throwing in the towel and just agreeing.  But then, I tell myself that if I’m held to the same, tired, double-standards that are expected of women and if I am expected to remain loyal to my man, then why shouldn’t I expect him to exercise some self-control? What, because he IS, in fact, a man? Nah. Women are evolving too.  It’s the 21st century. The roles of men and women in relationships and marriages have become blurred.  We have just as many, if not more, opportunities to fall into the traps of infidelity.  But just because it feels natural or good, should we do it?  And, at what cost?

If you follow just about any topic I cover on relationships, you’ll see that I promote one recurring theme:  CHOICE.  If you want to be with someone, if you’re in love with them, if you know that one of their requirements in a relationship is fidelity…well, DON’T CHEAT.  Even outside of relationships, we have to continuously make difficult choices in order to get what we truly desire and need.  This concept doesn’t change just because you’re in a relationship (no matter how widely accepted it is).

And for the doggone record, can we please stop treating men as if they’re these brainless animals with no idea on how to control themselves and their actions?  I think highly of the men in my life. I respect them and believe that they can maintain the same standards of morality that I expect from myself.

Obviously this discussion could go on and on.  And since one article won’t do it on the topic, we’re going to discuss it over a 4-part series.  Stay tuned next week as I’ve asked over 100 men why they cheat and you’ll be able to hear it straight from the source.

Now it’s time to hear what you all have to say.  Is it unrealistic to expect your partner to be faithful?

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23 Comments

  1. Well, sad to say, the headline is right. All of us do cheat to one degree or another. I’ve done it. Yep, your friendly neighborhood AnonymousNupe has stepped out. Every now and then I have flirted with an attractive sister on the train or on the job or just out and about. And it felt GOOD!

    • @anonymousnupe, what felt good? Cheating or flirting? Because there’s a big difference. And are you 100% confident enough to say “ALL” men cheat. Those are big words, I’d love to hear the follow-up. :)

    • @anonymousnupe,

      Why am I not surprised? But I’m sure Mrs. Nupe knows you’re a flirt, and that’s different.

      Finding people attractive in my opinion is not cheating.

      When you go outside what’s acceptable or agreed, then that’s cheating.

  2. Naw, flirting is cheating, too, Mrs. G. If I wouldn’t do it in her presence, then it’s cheating. And what do you mean you’re not surprised? LOL! Yeah, she knows my personality. Finding someone attractive, thinking it, and then moving on is not cheating. Finding somebody hot, making eye contact, and then striking up a flirtatious conversation? Yep, that’s cheating.

    Sharron, I’m rounding up when I say “all.” Maybe I should have said “virtually” all. The flirting felt good. That WAS the cheating, Sharron.

    • @anonymousnupe, ah ha. So you believe that flirting is considered cheating too. Well, I can’t say that I disagree. I think there are different levels of cheating, and flirting is most definitely the first step. Thanks for being so honest.

  3. When I saw the title of this one I cringed, but this was interesting. I’m VERY anxious to catch the interview of 100 men. And I swear I will QUOTE, word for word the “And for the doggone record” paragraph. That paragraph has cost me a few friendships and I’ve avoided some crappy relationships for voicing that same sentiment.What’s the phrase they allllllways say “I’m a grown ass man” THEN ACT LIKE ONE!!! or better yet don’t act, just actually BE a man

    • @carrien, I love the “grown man” speech. I hear it about every 6 months from someone. I’ve also lost one or two good friends because of this. I say, “you’re right, you are GROWN.” So, the difference between a child and a man, is that a man, or any other adult for that matter, (and we’re not talking age) has used his experiences, life lessons and mistakes to develop a meaningful level of self-control that should be carried out in all facets of his/her life. That’s being grown up.

  4. Why is that men cheat on a woman who has been with them through thick and thin? It just pisses me off that they use the excuse “Well, I thought you were doing something” thats BS to me….Any advice

    • @cheatedontwice, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been cheated on. I don’t know your exact situation, but what I can say is that your man’s decision to cheat or not cheat is INDEPENDENT of what YOU do and how you treat him. You can’t control his actions, no matter how kind you are, how beautiful, how understanding, how lovely, how loyal. The decision to remain faithful has to come from him, and him alone. If he knows that he risks nothing when he cheats on you, then maybe he will continue to cheat. Very rarely have I met a man who felt so guilty about cheating that he never did again. This is especially true if he knows that his partner will stay with him no matter how he treats her. So sticking with him through thick or thin may have some influence on his behavior, but it will never dictate it. And if your man tells you that he cheated because he thought you were doing something, then there is no trust in your relationship. And a healthy relationship should be based on trust. So, if the two of you can’t trust each other, you will continue to see some really hard times. I hope this helped. Feel free to ask me anymore questions.

  5. Great article, “basically” true for “most” men, me personally, I have never known a man who does not, have not or will not cheat, BUT then, I must admit that I havent ment “all” men, so who knows, there “could” maybe be an exceptional man out there that has moral, and can be faithful to one woman “but” if there is such a man out there, he “must” have wings, wear white robe and an address that says, go west on cloud nine and enter through the perly white gates, cause fo sho he aint on earth! :)

    • @althean guerra, LOL. I almost fell out of my chair laughing at the last part of your comment. :) I have to admit that I haven’t met many men that have remained completely faithful to their partner. But I have met a few. With most of us, our “bubbles” are so small. We stay in the same city or places, we meet the same types of people, with the same frame of mind and behaviors that perpetuate bad “choices” (an understatement), like cheating. While I’ve been out traveling the world, I have met the most incredible people. I have been fascinated by some of their heavy convictions and deep sense of morality toward woman or man. And yes, I have also met those who cheat as well. Where was I going with this? Hmm, oh that’s right…there are over 3 billion men in the world. And in this ocean of men, there a billions that cheat. But by God, there are billions that DO NOT (even if the latter is a higher number). We’ve got to keep hope alive! :-)

  6. I think it should say, all people are capable of cheating. All men are capable, but is different for each relationship.

    • @Tammy Is Crazed, you’re absolutely right. All people are capable of cheating. Though my articles are not slanted toward women, they are for women. But don’t worry, we’ll get there too. Plenty of women step out. Thanks for reading.

  7. I agree with Tammy…wait, first, Sharron, great article. But I agree that all people are CAPABLE of cheating no matter what your definition of cheating may be. It’s definitely a choice to cheat or not to. It’s human nature to do wrong. But the choice or serious effort not to do wrong is what makes a difference. It’s unrealistic to say, “I would never” or “He would never…” Taking it day by day is the way to go in my opinion. This even goes for the most dedicated couples. Recognizing we’re all human and COULD allow ourselves to get the point of actually acting on temptation is the first step in fighting it. Both partners actually communicating that is second. This helps I think in “preventing” cheating or at least trying to help keep expectations at a realistic level. Now, if those realities come to life and he actually does cheat, I won’t just think it’s “something a guy does” and I definitely won’t accept it. For now, I’ll just keep trying to prevent it from happening in the first place and hope he doesn’t make such a bad decision (and that I don’t either).

    • @cloud918, thank you! And yes, I agree we should never say never. Both men and women do wrong. Both are capable of cheating. I was just telling a very good friend of mine that maybe the secret to a successful relationship (whatever that means to each individual) is being hyper-aware that the TWO of you are making a choice to be with each other. And hopefully that choice is based on the fact that you are positive additions to each other’s lives. And if that is the case, then you know, that at any point, that either of you could CHOOSE to leave the relationship if you are not happy. And fidelty has been a major deal breaker for most people. Communication is key. I like your approach to your relationship. My father told me once that there is a very thin line between a cheating man and a non-cheating one. He says a non-cheating man won’t even entertain the slighest of conversations with a woman that could potentially lead to anything else.

  8. I dunno, after being cheated on numerous times by my ex-husband. I just don’t put nothing past any man….including the one i’m with. I have no suspicions as of now…but I will know what it is once it presents itself. The experience I went thru iwth my ex-husband is something I am grateful for. Everything happens for a reason and it taught me a lot. With that knowledge under my belt I will know how to handle the situation once it presents itself.

  9. good stuff! I feel the same way and I have been saying what you’ve said for the longest. “I don’t cheat, so what’s so hard about him no cheating.” I dont get it! I’m not always in my man’s ear about some bull but I expect the same thing that he expects from me. Fidelity!

    • @CLC, yes

  10. Personally, my bigger concern with cheating is not the act itself. Don’t get me wrong, cheating is not appropriate at all and I am not making excuses for men. But being a woman, and being on this planet for 25 odd years with enough statistical evidence to suggest there is a high probability of men cheating, I have come to terms with the idea of the occasiaonally “booty call.”
    But, having said that my bigger fear with cheating is not the betrayal, but my own health and safety. STDs anyone! For every guy that is cheating and in case, he decides to have some kinky fun, thereby putting himself at risk for STDs, well he comes home to me.
    So guess who gets the share of his sins! ME! And that my friends is why I find cheating a big fear. So, who do we deal with that?
    Regular blood tests and always wear condoms? hahahahaha. I don’t see how else to battle the germs:)

  11. Oh yes, and as far as the theories for cheating. The biological drive to spread one’s seed could be there…I mean I wasn’t born with a male anatomy or the hormonal effects that growing up as young man would go through. That being said,it’s possible there is a innate drive. Of course, “control” is the operative word here.
    But having said that, when you see guys that drink too much, party too much, and lack self control in pretty much most departments on their life…isn’t it assuming too much that they will be able to control the ants in their pants?
    I mean it’s like telling a dog to stop wagging it’s tail. For some men, it’s just too hard. And yes, you can punish them and hate them, and leave them, but at the end of the day I feel women need to find a guy who loves them and makes them happy…and if you can pardon the occasional slip-ups (my rule of thumb is two strikes you are out), then you can at least try to achieve durability with one man.
    Forever after is a long time, but maybe just enjoy each day as it comes?

  12. First…great article. I agree with u @pretty&smart. STDs is and should be a major concern for all sexually active people despite being in a relationship. I have been cheated on in the past and the reasoning behind both incidences were well…not good reasons. As there is never a reason that a man can give whether it’s honest or not that can wipe away hurt, distrust, or STDs. My favorite line has to have been “I was bored…it has nothing to do with you…” Well listen up men, your “boredom” can result in placing your partner’s health in jeopardy. Which at the end of the day is simply selfish. Give us ladies a choice, the same choice you feel entitles you to do you. #imjustsayn

  13. hy me from indonesia me play cross fire me love you all and you…?

  14. yok ada cash geratis gak..
    kirimin 10 rebu

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