PART I: All Men Cheat. Expect and Accept It
A friend of mine that I used to date off-and-on for several years, asked me to marry him. Well, kind of. He’s been in the music industry for about 20 years now and he has seen and probably done it all. So he says to me, “There’s a reason you and I have known each other for 10 years. We can be married by next year if you can grow up and just accept that from time to time I’ll have a little bit of fun on the side. But just remember, I’ll be coming home to you.” Not his exact words, but almost verbatim. So, I’m thinking, really? Aww, I feel really special! Can I really be your wife? Do you promise? Come on.
Actually, after laughing what people close to me call my “machine gun” laugh (the kind of laughter where your entire body shakes and you could possibly be having an epileptic seizure), I said, “maybe in another life, when honesty and loyalty mean absolutely nothing to me.”
It’s great that we can both laugh about it. Because he has been so up front over the years, we’ve been able to remain friends. Do you know why? He gave me a choice. He told me what it is, and I opted out. My problem is when men want to keep their partners, lie, cheat and then sometimes turn it on women and our “obvious lack of understanding” about how they operate.
Should you expect your man to cheat? Maybe.
I’ve had this conversation countless times with so many friends and associates, especially men. It gets to the point where I feel exasperated. Sometimes I even feel like throwing in the towel and just agreeing. But then, I tell myself that if I’m held to the same, tired, double-standards that are expected of women and if I am expected to remain loyal to my man, then why shouldn’t I expect him to exercise some self-control? What, because he IS, in fact, a man? Nah. Women are evolving too. It’s the 21st century. The roles of men and women in relationships and marriages have become blurred. We have just as many, if not more, opportunities to fall into the traps of infidelity. But just because it feels natural or good, should we do it? And, at what cost?
If you follow just about any topic I cover on relationships, you’ll see that I promote one recurring theme: CHOICE. If you want to be with someone, if you’re in love with them, if you know that one of their requirements in a relationship is fidelity…well, DON’T CHEAT. Even outside of relationships, we have to continuously make difficult choices in order to get what we truly desire and need. This concept doesn’t change just because you’re in a relationship (no matter how widely accepted it is).
And for the doggone record, can we please stop treating men as if they’re these brainless animals with no idea on how to control themselves and their actions? I think highly of the men in my life. I respect them and believe that they can maintain the same standards of morality that I expect from myself.
Obviously this discussion could go on and on. And since one article won’t do it on the topic, we’re going to discuss it over a 4-part series. Stay tuned next week as I’ve asked over 100 men why they cheat and you’ll be able to hear it straight from the source.
Now it’s time to hear what you all have to say. Is it unrealistic to expect your partner to be faithful?