Just Got A Man:

“Now , How Do I Keep Him?!”

You know how some people say that “there are no bad questions except the ones you don’t ask.” They’re wrong. This is a bad question.  There’s something overly self-deprecating, if not desperate, about this question.  Better questions: How do you keep it interesting?  How do you two create a healthy relationship?

If you’re constantly having to tap dance in order to keep his attention, you might have a problem.  Reinventing the relationship years down the road to keep it fresh is alright.  Running around acting like he’s your last shot at a good life…well, that’ll make you tired.  And if anything, it’ll be obvious to him.  If you’re being anything but YOURSELF when you’re in a relationship, the real you will eventually be exposed.

Now, am I saying to walk into a relationship screaming “This is me, hear me roar?!” Not at all. That’ll get you left too.

Ultimately, being with someone is a CHOICE. Your choice and his choice.  You can stay or you can  leave.  If you’re crying out (even internally), “Please don’t leave me! You’re the best I’ll ever do!”  or “I’ll never meet anyone else,” I honestly don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship, much less a healthy one.

Several years back, I was dating this painter.  Mind you, I don’t have a clue about painting or art. But he was passionate about art. I mean REALLY passionate.  He kept dropping names of artists throughout the centuries and I would nod my head as if I knew who in the world he was talking about. I found myself at work googling artwork and artists so that I could seem more “refined” in conversations with him about the subject.  I didn’t have time to be doing all that! I was working crazy corporate hours. And honestly, it was wearing me out.

I was so busy googling and pretending, that I didn’t even take the time to realize that we had absolutely nothing in common except our first mutual attraction and our pseudo conversations on art. So, I found the audacity to break up with him because I was feeling silly (and because he was a little too “passionate”).   At the end of the day, it would’ve just been nice to learn about art from him.  None of us will ever come to the table knowing everything about everything. We won’t EVER be every single thing that another person wants us to be.  It’s just so much easier and less dramatic just to be yourself. What’s even more ironic, your partner is most likely looking for you to be you as well. If not, he or she should be.

You know how men talk about them feeling “tricked” into dating a woman? Whether she played it too cool in the beginning or acted like certain things didn’t bother her? Well, purposely “liking” the things that he likes, doing things the way he likes them done and not showing more of YOU is a bad recipe for a relationship.

What do you think? How do we draw the line between compromising and compromising ourselves?